I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
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