I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
