Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
