your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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