Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
