Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
