I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
