Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
