I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
