I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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