Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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