That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
