Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Are we in a gay sports bar?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
