my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
