Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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