listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
