i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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