Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
