she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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