Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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