We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
