I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
