then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
