the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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