pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
