theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
