i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
A+ Viking dick
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
