I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i out mim tonsoeep
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