ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
is wine microwaveable?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
