Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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