During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
