last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
