I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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