my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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