What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
