I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
