what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
