I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
