Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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