i just had sex bonerless
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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