that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
