he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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