is your mom at the bar?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Text me some of your sweat
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
