she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
