So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
now i know why i became what i already was.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
