meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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