On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
