Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
