So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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