Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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