He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
