If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
