Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize