And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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