I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
