This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
