you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
