I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
