Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
