Four minutes until I can fart!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize