Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
