you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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