someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i drank out of a bidet.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
