he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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