I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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