Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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